The Phone Call
by starglow71
Summary: Wincest! Sam is spinning out of control and it's all because of a phone call from Dean. Can Dean save him before this spinning kills his brother? Language, sexual content, graphic imagery. Some schmoop. Kind of a Dark fic but not really.


Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or the characters thereof.

**Warning: Wincest! If this bothers you, please don't read it. I don't mean to offend anyone.**

Plot: Sam and Dean had a falling out before he went to Stanford. They don't speak since then. Out of the blue Dean calls and Sam is sent into a tailspin. His life falls apart after that.

Can Dean save his brother one last time or will this be the straw that breaks them forever? Will this cost them everything?

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

The room was small, _really_ small. Sam sat there nervously.

Sure he'd set this up at the last minute. Jess was gone, dumped him, said he was _different_ now. Had been since the phone call. Sam _knew_ he should have objected more but he couldn't bring himself to.

_Dean._ Dean had called. Hadn't heard from him in over a year. Old feelings sprang up again. He had hung up on him.

Heartbreakingly, he let himself remember.

One last time.

One last…fling.

Then maybe…ending it. He fingered the gun and sighed.

He was done. All _done._

Jess _gone_.

School _over_. Killing your main supporter, the one sponsoring your scholarship did that. Demon, fucking Demon! Dozens of them, he'd tortured it out of the fucker, before exorcising him and leaving his dead host in an abandoned house.

Got a letter. Scholarship suspended, not renewed. So, school was over.

Apartment _gone._ No money to pay the rent.

Car. _Fucking_ chick thing, small, "_Girly_ car" Dean would say. _Damn that hurt_!

_Dean. _

He _missed_ Dean.

_Why_ did _he_ have to call?

_Why?_

Xxxxxxxxxxx

(flashback)

It was evening when the call came.

"Hello?" Sam said, sipping his beer.

"Sammy?" The voice said. Sam froze and said nothing. Hurt flared.

"_Dean_." Sam said quietly. Hurt obvious in his voice.

"Sammy, please, don't hang up." Dean begged. Sam didn't.

"_Listening_." Sam said, wanting to hang up. Hanging up would hurt less than listening.

"I'm sorry." Dean said softly, sadly. "I know I hurt you."

Sam said nothing. A silent agreement with his brother.

"I had to. Dad would never have understood." Dean said. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" Sam said bitterly. "_Figures_, what a _good_ little soldier you were."

It hurt to even _hear_ his voice.

"Sammy, it wasn't like _that_…" Dean said softly.

Sam said nothing again.

"I shouldn't have…_fuck_…damn it, _Sam._" Dean said softly, "I _miss_ you."

"Should have thought of that before you…fuck you, Dean!" Sam growled.

"Sammy…_wait_…" Dean began and Sam hung up, crying. Jess took him in her arms, tried to get him to talk. Sam turned _Clam_ and left for a few hours. Days later, they broke up. She couldn't take the _silence_; felt he wouldn't let her in. She knew he had secrets before now, decided she'd had enough. He didn't blame her.

He got drunk after that, for days on end.

Lost _everything_.

_Damn phone call_!

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

(flashback: Sam is 18, Dean is 22))

It is another motel room, Sam holds his paper.

College, a _normal_ life.

Maybe Dean could go with him.

_Hating_ Hunting.

Dad parks and a door slams, the car leaves again. Sam feels his palms sweat.

Dean comes in and Sam looks up at him. Soon they go out for a bite to eat and play some pool together, get drunk. It was Sam's birthday.

It was his _first_ beer. They _were _having so much fun.

A woman comes onto Dean and Dean flirts back.

Sam stomps out.

Dean follows, ignoring the woman now, rushing to talk to Sam. _Damn it,_ it was his birthday and Dean had _promised_ him a night out with him, his _first _beer with his brother. A good time.

Sam is in the room and Dean goes in to apologize. Sam pushes him to the wall and their faces touch. Sam is drunk.

"I'm going to college, leaving Dad, come with me?" Sam pleads, "I love you." His lips touch Dean's, Dean's melt into Sam's without thinking about it. It feels like the kiss lasts forever, stealing their breathes away.

Dean is drunk, too.

"I'm in love with you, Dean. Please, we'll get out this, get a place, go to school together, be _happy_!" Sam pleaded between kisses, and their bodies are naked now, clothes swiftly gone now. "_Need_ you."

"_Love_ you, Sammy, _need _you, too!" Dean gasps as they cum together from the rubbing. Then freezes at Sam's next words, "Please, Dean, make love to me, before we go?"

"I _can't_, Sammy, it's _not_ right." Dean gets control over his body and pushes Sam away. So much pain in his face, so much hurt.

"You don't want me? You don't love me?" Sam says, Dean struggles for words, confused at the new feelings he's just realized he has for his brother, his _little_ brother. Wrong feelings, he's going to Hell for _sure _now. _Damn it_!

Dean watches Sam pack and tries to find the words to stop him. None come but, "Doesn't matter what we want or if I love you, which I _do._ It's _wrong_!" Not the words he _should_ have said.

Sam cries as he packs, crumpling the letter and throwing it at Dean. He leaves and Dean follows, Sam gets into a car, hitchhiking, leaves in front of Dean, red taillights mocking him now.

Hearts breaking, two of them, like the two red taillights, bearing his brother away from him.

Dean heads back to the room and reads the paper.

Sam has a scholarship to Stanford. Dean feels proud but then remembers. Sam is _gone_.

He cries and waits. Dad will be back soon. He'll want to read the paper.

Dean replays what just happened, stops at the kisses and the things they said, feels _dirty_ again. But now he feels pain, too. He loves Sammy, _brotherly and not so brotherly_. He'll admit this to himself but no one else.

Sam is _gone._

**Sam's POV: **

Dean said he _loved _him, _needed_ him, too.

Kisses, touches, everything he'd always dreamed of.

Sure Dean loved him, too. Wanted him, too.

Then he said it was _wrong_. It didn't feel wrong to him. It was the most _right_ feeling he'd ever felt.

He couldn't do this _anymore_; he had a chance at a _normal_ life.

_Fuck Dean!_

He hitchhikes to Palo Alto, gets a job.

Buys a car, lives at the dorms and saves up his money.

Decides to _forge_t Dean, and Hunting.

That's his _old_ life.

A life he _never_ wanted.

Apparently Dean did.

He says goodbye to Dean now.

And moves on.

Xxxxxxxxxx

(Present)

Sam sits in the room and waits, the man should be here soon.

He needs to know. He needs to know if his desire is for men or just…_him._

Then he'll finish it.

He's _done._

Xxxxxxxxxxx

Sam watches the transvestite approach.

Doesn't look too closely.

He has a dick; it's all Sam wants.

Not what he _really_ wants.

Not who he _really_ wants. But close enough.

Not _even_ close.

Sam is _so _confused.

He reaches in his pocket.

Touches his gun.

_He's not Dean_.

Part of him wants him to be, _needs_ him to be.

Another is thrilled he's _not_.

He closes his eyes.

Lips touch his. Hands touch him gently, ruffling his hair, making him arch his head back.

He looks up at the man touching him in lust.

Petal like lips.

Green Hazel eyes.

Sam freezes.

"Dean?" Sam manages before he is kissed again, hands pull at his clothes.

He lets them undress him.

Hands take the gun, touches it stiffly, and sets it aside.

"Sammy…" Dean says, lips on Sam's again. "Please stay…don't run away!"

"Why…Why _shouldn't_ I?" Sam manages but doesn't pull away. "You… You _hurt _me!"

"I love you, Sammy. Realized it after you left." Dean said softly, easing Sam back on the bed. Sam lets him. His hands touch Dean's made up face and takes off his wig. Fingers brush his lips.

"Didn't want me. Didn't…" Sam cries again. Dean sighs and wipes them away.

"I did want you." Dean said, kissing his neck lightly, Sam leans his head back to give him better access. "I was too worried about what Dad and the others would think, and didn't love you enough to just be with you, no matter what they said. _I'm sorry_."

Dean goes to kiss lower, lips and hands moving over his chest and stomach, moving to touch his dick now. Sam tries to move away. "No, _don't_. _Don't_ do that." Dean looks up worried; Sam's eyes are wet and afraid.

"What is it, Sammy?" Dean says.

"You'll just…you'll _leave_ and I can't do this and have you _leave _me." Sam says softly. He shakes his head. "Can't do this…if you're just going to _leave_."

Dean says nothing, Sam looks so lost and Dean struggles to find the words to ease Sam's pain now.

"Shouldn't _want_ this anymore. Almost _forgot_ you. Almost _ove_r you. It hurts me." Sam cried and Dean lays next to him, pulling him close.

Holds him while Sam cries, knowing it is _Dean's_ fault Sam is hurting now.

Only had _one_ rule. _All_ his life.

_No one hurts Sammy_.

Except _he_ did.

Damn if he hadn't hurt him _badly, _too.

Made him cry.

Dean regrets doing this, making the _wrong_ choice.

All those months ago.

Xxxxxxxxxxx

Sam quiets in his arms now and doesn't cry anymore.

"I'm so sorry. If you'll let me, I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you, Sammy." Dean says, "_Never_ leave you, sorry I hurt you. I should have gone with you. I've regretted it since it happened, too afraid to approach you. I knew I had no right to anymore."

"No, you _didn't_." Sam says and looks at him, smiles, "You're _so_ pretty, Dean. Why are you dressed in drag?"

"Well, the club I work at, we're having a drag show, I got drafted to join it. Who knew being gay and liking to play dress up would land me in drag?" Dean explained and added more at Sam's look. "Guess I got a lot to explain, huh?"

"Yeah, if you're okay with that. I don't have a right to ask either. I left you, too." Sam admitted, "You still Hunting?"

"No. Haven't since Dad died. Demon got him. A few months ago." Dean admitted, "Demon almost killed me, too. Decided to quit before it actually succeeded."

"So you've been…" Sam started to ask.

"Stripping. Yes, I'm a stripper. Me and Dad went our separate ways shortly after you left." Dean admitted, "He caught me in bed with a guy. I was…doing what you are now, I guess. Seeing if I was gay or if it was just _you_." Dean chuckled, "I was gay, go figure."

"Oh." Sam said, "And Dad?"

"Came in, saw me, called me a queer, then left." Dean admitted, "We fought about it, and I left."

Sam said nothing, but hesitantly put a hand next to Dean's. Too chickenshit to take it, even to comfort him. Dean gave a small smile and took Sam's hand anyway, entwining it with his. Sam gave a relaxed breath he hadn't realized that he'd been holding in.

"I hitched to Vegas and got a job stripping, moved around from place to place. I'm not usually a hooker, you know." Dean admitted at Sam's look.

"So, why were you doing it now?" Sam asked and Dean smiled.

"I was following you. After the phone call, I was going to talk to you. I saw you call and overheard you." Dean shrugged, "I left my gig early, and caught your _hooker._ I paid him to go away. I took his place."

"What were you doing here anyway?" Sam asked and Dean risked another kiss, smiling when Sam let him kiss him and even let him deepen it for a minute.

"I've been here a couple months. Came here thinking I'd talk to you but then chickened out. So I got a job at a club and here I am." Dean said and smiled sadly, "See you every day, at that coffee place, and at school, I watch you. Afraid to talk to you. But then I got drunk and, well, I called you. You hung up and I made up my mind to try to talk to you in person. I went to your apartment and they said you were evicted. I tried the school and they said you weren't going there anymore. I even found Jess and she said…she'd left you. So I looked for your car, and realized you were homeless, and alone. I was going to ask you to move in with me, but then you came to this place and called the hooker, and I _had_ to see you!" He looked at Sam and pulled him into his arms.

"I'm so _sorry_. I should have said what I felt." Dean said and looked into Sam's eyes, "It _wasn't _wrong, Sammy, I was just…stupid."

"What _did _you feel? Tell me I wasn't being a total fool back then!" Sam said softly, some hurt in his eyes still, "I sure felt like one, for a _really_ long time."

"I loved you, too. Wanted to make love to you. Wanted to go off with you." Dean said, "I wanted nothing more than to be with you the way you wanted to be with me."

"_Wow_, should have said that _then_." Sam said bitterly, but didn't stop Dean from touching him.

"Yeah, I _should_ have." Dean said softly, pulling Sam to him. "I know I have no right to even ask and I know I fucked up royally, but I need to know, Can I make love to you now? Do you still love me that way?"

Green eyes gazed into his hazel ones, soft and sad.

"Yes, I still love you." Sam said and sighed, "Make love to me, I still want you to. Why do you think it _hurt_ so much when you called? I felt the love come back and it all came back to me. _I thought I was over you_, you know. Then one phone call and I find out you still have that power over me; that love was still there."

"Thought you hated me." Dean said kissing down his body again, "Thought that was why you hung up on me." He reached Sam's groin again and Sam sighed.

"Could _never_ hate you, Dean." Sam said sadly, "Love you too much to do that. Always have." His hand ghosted through Dean's hair now, touching his face and lips, "Make love to me now, _please_?"

"Yes, Sammy, I'll do that." Dean agreed and soon was sucking Sam while he worked him open, "Shh, Sammy, it's okay. It'll feel good soon, baby. So _glad_ no one else got to be with you this way. I'd have been so _pissed_ if someone else touched you." Dean said softly, "You're _mine_ now, Sammy. _Mine forever now."_

Sam went to speak but right then Dean's three fingers found his nerve bundle and sent him spiraling in ecstasy now. Dean lubed up and entered him now, going slow, getting him used to him but moving in slowly, bit by bit and then stopping when he was all in, and then thrusting out then back in a couple times, going almost out of him then pushing back in hard. Sam arched so beautifully now, and moaned loudly, fucking back onto him faster now. Dean slid up his body now as he made love to him, hands gliding up his muscular arms to his hands, pinning them over his head, entwining his hands with Sam's and kissing him hard, their lips and tongues tangling as they both moaned now, Sam hard between them rubbing into Dean's rock hard stomach and his own.

Soon they were moving faster and more desperately thrusting until they came crying out their release as their names and loud cries, over and over as they made love again, not even bothering to pull out of Sam to do it, just going on and on, never wanting to stop. Sam's hand grasping Dean's body now, roughly and hard, leaving bruises and love marks on each other's bodies, cumming again from it all. Then Sam made love to Dean and they got lost in every touch and kiss, every cry of pleasure and "I love you!" filling their room's walls, all night long. Both cuddled later and smiled.

"Not leaving again, Sammy? Never leaving you again if you'll stay with me." Dean said softly into Sam's ear and Sam sighed.

"I'm staying, not leaving you again." Sam promised and yawned, "I love you so much, Dean."

"Live with me, please, Sammy. My lover_, not_ my brother, okay? I got my own place and everything." Dean said, pulling Sam closer, kissing him lovingly now. Loving having him in his arms finally. Something he'd never dared hope to have again after that night so long ago.

"No, not your brother then, _lover only_." Sam agreed smiling, "I'll live with you, be yours forever now." Sam said this and felt a peaceful sleep approaching.

Dean reached over and put Sam's gun in his purse, knowing what Sam had in mind for it and the thought of it shaking him to his core. He would never tell Sam he'd seen him planning to kill himself but he would also never forget the fact that Sam _was going to_. He'd lost Sam before and came so close to losing him again. Dean wouldn't risk it again. _Never again_.

He vowed then and there to make it up to Sam for the rest of his life, the fact that he had not loved him and had rejected him when he needed him most, hurting him to his very soul. He'd broken Sam's heart and made him cry. _Never_ again would he let that happen.

He would _love_ Sam for the rest of _his_ life.

Sam made the same promise to himself as well, vowing to _love_ Dean for the rest of _his_, too.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx


End file.
